Genesis    Sermon Series

Wheelersburg Baptist Church 2/27/2000 Brad Brandt

Genesis 2:18-25 "The First Marriage"**

July 23, 1983 was a great day in my life. It was a Saturday. The weather was hot, but I wasn't thinking about the weather. My attention was riveted to the person dressed in white coming down the church aisle.

It was the day that God ordained that Sherry and I would pledge our lives together. It was our wedding day.

Today we're going to talk about the first wedding day and the first marriage that ever occurred on the planet. I'm convinced that our world is paying a great price because of a failure to take seriously the record of the first marriage.

You know the statistics. The U.S. Census Bureau reported the following divorce rates.

1920, 1 divorce per 7 marriages
1940, 1 divorce per 6 marriages
1960 1 divorce per 4 marriages
1972 1 divorce per 3 marriages
1977 1 divorce per 2 marriages

A lot of marriages are crumbling these days. And many that are still together are in serious trouble.

I've played enough sports in my life to know this. When a team is getting "whipped" game after game, the solution isn't to buy new uniforms, or ask the Pep Band to play different songs. It's time to go back to the basics.

There's a great burden on my heart when I see what's happening to marriages. And the problem isn't just out there. Christian marriages are in trouble, too.

We need to go back to school. We need to relearn the basics--or perhaps learn them for the first time. Which is exactly what we're going to do this morning.

I recognize that not everyone marries. Did you know that the following 11 people never married? James Addams; Susan B. Anthony; Ludwig van Beethoven; President James Buchanan; Frederic Chopin; Emily Dickinson; J. Edgar Hoover; Joan of Arc; Isaac Newton; Florence Nightingale; Henry David Thoreau.

True, not everyone here is married. But everyone here needs to know what God says about marriage which is why God gave us a foundational text like Genesis 2. In Genesis 2:18-25 God gives us "Marriage 101," and the class material involves two parts.

Genesis is the book of beginnings. It's a book of firsts. Last time we studied the first man, next week we'll look at the first sin, then the first excuse, the first sacrifice, and the first children.

In Genesis 1, as we've already seen, God's Word records how God created the universe in six days. In Genesis 2, the biblical writer, Moses, puts the spotlight on Man and tells us what happened on Day 6.

According to verses 4-17, God placed the first man in a perfect environment, a garden located in Eden. He gave man a job to do--take care of the garden. He also gave him a command--Eat from any tree in the garden, but don't eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil; if you do you will surely die.

At this point in the narrative we learn the first of two important details connected with the first marriage...

A. God said man had a need (18). "The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'"

Uh oh! Something is not good. Lo tov in the Hebrew. That's the first time that God said something was not good in the Bible. What did God specify was not good?

1. It's not good for a man to be alone. How long was Adam alone before God created Eve? Not long. She would be given life before Day 6 ended.

Genesis 1:27 indicates that the male-female relationship is part of what it means for mankind to be God's image-bearer. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." God is one God, yet He exists in plurality as three Persons in perfect relationship.

Here God sees the man by himself and says, "Not good." Aloneness is not the norm. In fact, it's abnormal.

Does that mean it's wrong to be single? No. In some cases God grants the gift of singleness (1 Cor 7:7), and God Himself meets the need of the person who is alone. In the case of widows 1 Timothy 5:5 states, "The widow who is really in need and left alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and ask God for help."

But the norm is this. God says it's not good for the man to be alone.

Many young people these days are fearful of marriage. Why? They've seen the statistics. And many have heard the arguing. And some have felt the pain of divorce. The following account is taken from the book Always Daddy's Girl:

"Come into the living room, children. We have something we need to tell you." That's how our parents told us they were not going to be together anymore. After they told us they were divorcing, I sat under the table and my mind replayed again and again the words my father said. I didn't know then what it all meant, but I soon learned. After Dad left, I looked through the drawers where he kept his clothes and found an old sweat shirt he left behind. I hid it in my room and kept it for years. I would cling to it when I was lonely for him. My father came back to see us a few times, but his visits became less and less frequent. Finally his visits stopped completely. I always wondered where he went. I wondered if he thought about us very much. I hoped that he did. But I guess I'll never know.

In a day when broken marriages abound, we need to affirm what God says in Genesis. Marriage isn't in trouble. It's the people who are in trouble. Marriage itself is good. Why? Because God says it's not good for a man to be alone. We were created to live in relationships. And not just for our good, but for the good of others.

When a person says, "Well, I like being alone. I don't want to be around people. I don't need them.", he's forgetting what God said. Being alone is not good, whether you feel it or not. You need others, and just as importantly, others need you. That's one reason you need to be an active member of a church family, isn't it?

Concerning Adam God said, "It's not good for a man to be alone." Adam lacked something. Yes, God made him, and what God makes is good. But God created Adam with a need for something. What?

2. He needs a helper. And what Adam lacked God said He would make, "I will make him an help meet for him (KJV)."

Now answer this. What kind of helper does man need? Just a couple of weeks ago the Associated Press reported that two mainline Protestant denominations say they won't take an absolutist stand on homosexual "marriage." Committees for the United Methodist Church and the Episcopal Church said the issue is too complex to rule on authoritatively. "We are not ready, theologically or scientifically, to say a defining word about the life of homosexuals in the church," the Episcopal Church's Standing Commission on Liturgy and Music said.

If ever we needed a "defining word," it is now. And we have it right here in Genesis. What kind of helper did God make for Adam? He said He would make a helper "suitable" [or "fit"] for him. What did God fashion to complement Adam?

Let's look. In Genesis God said the first man had a need. Then...

B. God took action to meet the need (19-23). Listen to the text, "Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found."

Stop there for a moment. The first man had a need so God took action to meet the need. What was the solution? Notice first of all that...

1. The solution wasn't work. Work is good, but it doesn't meet the need God identified in verse 18. Remember, God had already given Adam a job to do before He said, "It is not good." So the solution wasn't work.

Men, it's good to work, but God never intended for your work to fulfill this need.

2. The solution wasn't the animals. At first glance, verses 19-20 don't seem to fit. Right after God says that Adam's aloneness isn't good, God gives Adam the job to name the animals. Why?

Verse 19 states that God had formed the animals and birds out of the ground--that's the same "stuff" from which He made Adam. Then He brought the animals to Adam to see what he would name them.

That's interesting. Adam did in Genesis 2 what God did in Genesis 1. In the first chapter, God gave names to created objects, such as "day" in verse 5, "sky" in verse 8, and "land" in verse 10. Now Adam, God's imagebearer, will give names.

My friend, Adam was no dummy, contrary to the assumptions of common evolutionary theory, which assert that man is getting smarter and smarter. How does the typical biology textbook portray our human ancestors? The first "man" was some thug who's carrying a huge, animal jawbone in one hand, dragging his wife by the hair in the other, and saying, "Ugh!"

Not so! Adam, the first man, was probably the most intelligent human to walk on the earth until the arrival of the second Adam. He could talk. How? God taught him to use speech symbols. And God gave him one of the most amazing assignments ever attempted by a person. To name the animals.

Adam didn't have an Encyclopedia Britanica to reference. He undoubtedly examined the various animals, looked at their characteristics, and gave them appropriate names.

But what does the naming have to do with Adam's need for a companion? Think about it. What did Adam see when God brought the animals to him? An object lesson. He saw two of every kind of animal, a male and a female. He saw two of every kind of bird, a male and a female. He saw two creatures that were similar, yet different. And they were together.

But he was alone. There was only one human being. As verse 20 concludes, "But for Adam no suitable helper was found." What Adam needed the animals couldn't provide.

3. The solution was a special gift from God. Verses 21-22, "So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man."

What was God's special gift to the first man? It was a woman.

God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep, and performed surgery on him--he's less than twenty-four hours old and undergoing surgery! God took a rib from Adam. From that rib He formed the woman. Does that mean that men have one less rib than women? No, but apparently Adam did.

At that point God brought the woman to the man, like a father bringing the bride to the groom. The moment had come!

Men, do you remember how your wife looked on your wedding day? Adam speaks in verse 23--here are the first recorded words of a human being, "The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man.'"

One of the common contributors to marriage problems is a confusion of marital roles. God made men and women to be different, not in terms of worth, but in role and function.

What's true of the woman? In a chapter entitled, "Masculinity and Femininity Under God," Elisabeth Elliot offers these personal words, "There are four aspects which define my position as a woman. I was made for man; I was made from man; I was brought to man; I was named by man. Paul bases his arguments about the roles of women in the church on this created order, not on anything which can possibly be construed to be purely social or cultural."

When it comes to the woman's identity, we discover these four indicators in Genesis 2.

· The woman was made for man. God created her to be man's helper. She suits him. She complements him. She is "fit for him."

Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 11:8-9, "For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man."

· The woman was made from man. She was bone of his bones. 1 Corinthians 11:12 reiterates, "For as woman came from the man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God."

The old commentator, Matthew Henry, made the observation that God did not make the woman "out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved."

That was God's original intent. But the entrance of sin had a destructive effect on marriage roles. Now some men want to crush their wives in abusive dominance, and some women want to usurp authority over their husbands. Both are violations of God's plan.

· The woman was brought to man. I'm struck by Adam's passivity in the "match-making" process. God brought the woman to the man. In biblical times arranged marriages were the norm. Eve was a special gift from God to Adam, tailor made to fulfill him where he was lacking.

Men, do you cherish your wife? God designed her to complement you. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 puts it this way, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"

· The woman was named by man. Adam called his wife Isha (the Hebrew word for "woman") because she was taken out of Ish (the Hebrew for "man"). Later, after they sinned, Adam gave his wife the name "Eve" because, as Genesis 3:21 puts it, "She would become the mother of all the living."

So there are the details of the first marriage. God said man had a need, and then He took action to meet the need.

An Austrian anthropologist named Weizl who lived for a time among the natives of northern Siberia was frequently accosted by giggling young maidens who showed up at his door and pelted him with freshly killed lice. Eventually Weizl learned that among northern Siberians, lice-throwing was a customary manner for woman to declare her interest in a man and indicate that she was available for marriage.

At this point the critic might object, "Wait a minute! Marriage is just a cultural thing--just like lice-throwing in Siberia. Maybe at one time it was one man and one women, but thing's have changed. We live in a different culture. So it's okay now to swap partners, or live together outside of marriage. And there's nothing wrong with a homosexual marriage. Marriage is cultural anyway."

Is that true? Not if God's Word is your authority. To this point Genesis 2 has told us what happened. But notice the transition that begins verse 24, "For this reason [or "Therefore" in the KJV]." We're about to discover that what happened is what should happen. It's not cultural, but normative.

Which brings us to part two in our study of "Marriage 101" where...

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."

In Genesis 2 we see the ideal marriage. There's harmony and intimacy. The question is, "How can we experience that in our marriages?" We find the answer right here. There are three essential steps involved in a good marriage.

A. Marriage requires leaving. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother." But wait. Adam didn't have any parents, did he? Who's speaking here? Moses is. Moses says that what happened at creation is the basis for what should happen in the present.

You say, "Well just because Moses said it applied in the 15th century B.C. doesn't mean it applies today, does it?" Jesus said it does. In Matthew 19:4-6 Jesus actually quoted this text to support that the permanence of marriage: "Haven't you read, he replied, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

We're talking about non-negociables, and here's the first one. Marriage requires leaving. When you get married, your priorities are supposed to change. Before marriage your first obligations are to your parents. Afterwards they are to your spouse.

Let that sink in. You're supposed to leave your parents. Not abandon. Not disown. Not fail to care for them if they have needs. But nonetheless, you must leave.

Please realize that leaving is God-ordained. Children are supposed to leave. In fact, parents are supposed to raise their children with leaving in mind.

Parents, are you doing that? Some don't. They smother their children. They cling to their children. They draw security from their children. They forget the "TP" principle.

1. The parent-child relationship is temporary. But...

2. The husband-wife relationship is permanent. That's God's design, and it goes all the way back to creation.

Larry Cunningham tells the following story: We were visiting friends when they received a telephone call from their recently married daughter. After several tense minutes on the phone, the mother told the father to pick up the extension. The newlyweds had had their first big fight.

In a few moments, the father rejoined us and tersely explained, "Said she wanted to come home."

"What did you tell her?" I asked.

"I told her she was home."

Marriage requires leaving. Essential step #2...

B. Marriage requires cleaving. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife." For a marriage to succeed, two people must cleave.

Jesus said, "What God has joined together, let not man separate." That's what divorce does. It tears apart a union that God intended to be lifelong. When two people marry, they're supposed to cleave to each other. For how long? Until things get tough? Until they don't feel anything for each other anymore? No, a thousand no's!

Listen. If marriage requires cleaving, that means two things...

1. Marriage isn't based on feelings. Do you see any mention of feelings in verse 24? Was Adam's marriage to Eve based on feelings? No. He'd never even met her before! Feelings aren't the basis of marriage--that's a lie from Satan...

2. Marriage is based on commitment. Henry Ford offered some good advice when asked on his 50th wedding anniversary for his rule for marital bliss and longevity. He replied, "Just the same as in the automobile business, stick to one model."

C. Marriage requires weaving. "And they will become one flesh." Please note that celibacy is not a higher nor holier state. Adam and Eve were now something they weren't prior to marriage. They were one. That speaks of physical union, for sure, but that's not all. Becoming one flesh entails emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy as well. That's part of the problem with premarital sex. You have physical union apart from a covenantal commitment. And when you do that there will be incredible emotional scars, which are the result of guilt before God.

So many marriage problems are due to a breakdown right here--a failure to leave, cleave, and weave. We need to mention a couple of key lessons at this point...

1. In marriage two people become one.

2. The challenge is to live like it. I'd like to speak pointedly to you who are married. You and your God-given spouse are one. Are you living like it? Do you talk over decisions together? Are you on the same page in terms of your goals and ambitions? Are you exhibiting oneness in your communication?

My friend, the day I got married a change occurred. It's no longer me. Now it's us. And here's where the rubber meets the road--learning to live out what we are.

May I let you in on a little secret? You can't do it on your own strength. If two people do what comes naturally, it's merely a matter of time before their marriage is in jeopardy. Why? Because we are sinners. We don't have the power to leave, cleave, and weave.

Here's the solution. It's called "the triangle principle." Two people who are moving towards the same third point will in turn grow closer to each other. Who's the third point? It's Jesus Christ. When two people are growing closer to Christ they will in turn grow closer to each other.

But to grow closer to Christ, you must first know Christ. Jesus Christ is the Savior. He died for our sins, and conquered the grave. Today He offers life to those who will repent and believe in Him. Do you know Him personally? And is it your aim in life to grow closer to Him?

Genesis 2 concludes with an interesting comment in verse 25 about Adam and Eve. They were both naked, yet shameless. They were like young children unashamed at their nakedness (Wenham, 71). Theirs was a perfect love. There was not a shade of distrust, greed, or selfishness.

Why is there shame today? Because of what happened in Genesis 3. Adam and Eve sinned. In a sinless world, there's no shame. But where there's sin, there's guilt and shame. Why? We'll find out in our next study.

Celie Thomas shares the following story, "My husband's uncle thought he had conquered the problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided him with the dates and instructions to send flowers along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day when he came home, kissed his wife and said off handedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"

Maybe you can relate to this husband. Good intentions, poor performance. We've learned today that there are three essential steps for a God-honoring marriage. Marriage involves leaving, cleaving, and weaving. How are you doing?

Men, take the lead. Don't wait. If things aren't right in your family, you do something about it. In all the biblical counseling sessions I've ever had, I have never heard a man say, "I wish I had spent more time at the office." But the world is full of men and women who ignored God's will for their family until it was too late.

So make a "Joshua decision" today. What's a "Joshua decision?" It's to affirm the words that Joshua spoke more than 3,000 years ago. At the end of his life Joshua proclaimed this commitment recorded in Joshua 24:15, "But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

Let's fill in the blanks today: "As for me and my house we will ______ ____ _____." We will serve the Lord.

Genesis    Sermon Series